


Clandestine

by espen



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2020-12-27 12:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21118973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espen/pseuds/espen
Summary: but they would find a way.





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> REWRITE!! AGAIN! i'm sure you might have seen this fic around a few months ago, but, i went ahead and updated it for some much-needed tweaking. i'm more proud of this than the old version, and i hope you enjoy it a bit more than previously! 
> 
> as before, TW for slight depiction of vomiting, but nothing real graphic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reality finally hit the young man like an asteroid might slam into an opposing planet.

Silence fell on the 49th floor of Shin-Ra’s main building as abruptly as glass might break-- all at once, startling, gut-wrenching. Footsteps halted and hushed conversations stopped. Their heads down, everyone was looking at their PHS screens, staring at the latest personnel news sent out per the company’s protocol.  
A younger blond cadet that was seated near the wall-to-floor window panes mentally rolled his eyes; it must have just gotten out that some relatively unknown infantryman was pronounced dead and of course, everyone had to put on a show and act as if they cared about the poor fool now that he was gone. As cruel as it sounds, Cloud had bore witness to the phenomenon several times now during his career. All he had to do was play along with everybody else until things were moving again like it never happened. When the silence didn’t let up after some time, it hit Cloud that this had to be something more.

Reaching for his PHS, he looked around to notice that several eyes had fallen onto him. Enough that it sent a shiver through his nerves. Why in hell would anyone be looking at him? Clicking open the device, Cloud shot his gaze downwards at the screen. His eyes, discolored underneath from a tiredness that never really left him, scanned over the announcement presented to him and widened. His breath was suddenly trapped in his throat. No matter many times he looked it over, it said the same thing:

“This is an official notification of the change in status for the following personnel.

Zack Fair - SOLDIER 1st Class:  
Killed in action.”

Cloud squinted.  
What a shitty excuse for a joke. This wasn’t for real. Some asshole had managed to breach the usually tight security of Shin-Ra’s wireless communication services and thought it would be funny to send out a fake K.I.A notification. Too bad for them, because Cloud wasn’t laughing. Who could feel the need to pick on Zack, of all people? Cloud decided that whoever did this, is a coward. Zack isn’t even currently around to defend himself. They would surely regret this if he was.

His anger must have been radiating from him, because a few workers who had begun to move again were tiptoeing around the table where he sat, as if stepping too loudly would cause the cadet to snap. Perhaps it would. No one dared to find out. 

The sour mood followed Cloud well into his afternoon drills. He tried to focus on the tasks that were at hand, anything to make him forget -- even for only a couple of hours – about what happened earlier in the day. There was no such luck to be had for the cadet, though. His mouth felt like it was sewn shut, almost to the point of pain and he glared at anybody who looked at him for too long. It felt to him like he was some kind of new entertainment piece, on display for all to see. Even when he turned in for the night, he stared at the sloppily painted brick wall that hugged his bunk instead of sleeping. 

He thought about how the “prank” that he decided had been pulled on everybody didn’t make much sense. Everybody loved Zack. No one could possibly have it out for the SOLDIER so badly that they would do something so ill-conceived. It seemed far-fetched to him now. He also figured that the higher-ups would have sent out another notification to everyone, apologize for the assumed breach, assure them all, assure him, that Zack was fine and almost finished with his assignment. He would come back tomorrow or the day after, waving to Cloud on sight, and flaunting that obnoxiously nice smile before he started to bombard the younger boy with all the minuscule, but interesting things he saw and did during his venture. 

This isn’t what happened; and reality finally hit the young man like an asteroid might slam into an opposing planet. 

Zack is dead.

People die. No shit, people die and commonly so in this line of work and Cloud knew this; you would have to know this if you ever decided to work for the military. But, never, -- not one time, -- did he consider that this common knowledge would ever end up applying to his best friend, too. 

He begins to feel the unfamiliar sting that welling tears brought. Something in his mind clicks before he sits up and winces at how his ears ring. He felt sick in his stomach. As embarrassed as Cloud was in the back of his mind, he stands up and throws on some clothes that had less of a chance of getting him judgmental looks. He had some time before lights-out, but he would have to make a break for a restroom and fast. 

The white lights over his head he’d grown to know were suddenly enough to blind him. Tears already blurred his vision and the pale flush of the surrounding walls were making it all the worse. In the rush, he couldn’t care less who watched him go, who saw how his face twisted up in a way no one who knew of him would have ever expected it to. 

It would feel like an eternity before the elevator would stop to let him off. Cloud desperately used all the power he currently had to keep himself in one piece, sweat starting to bead on his forehead and the bridge of his nose. The bell of the elevator would have been enough to make him sigh in relief had the circumstance been different.  
He rushed as quickly as he thought he could go to the bathroom’s entrance, throwing the door open and dismissing any regard to anyone else who might be present. No thoughts ran through his mind as he hurriedly gripped the edge of the closest sink. He noticed how his finger joints ached against the porcelain lip but couldn’t think more about it as he heaved into the bowl. It made him remember how human and small he really was, especially today, especially right now. At the very least, the light above the mirror was broken in one section, and left the restroom softly illuminated.

A few blinks allowed him a glance in the mirror in front of him. His eyes were darker than he thinks they’ve ever been, and all the blood had drained from his face, leaving his complexion a pathetic pale color that reminded him of a sheet of paper. He started making attempts to steady his breathing a bit as he reached for the faucet to turn the tap on. His arms felt weak. Instincts had him shakily wetting his hand to run over his face, and afterwards he began rinsing away the evidence of his humanism. He found that he was glad for the company’s curfew hours just this once. 

Another splash of water on his face, and Cloud decided that he had let out the worst of it for the time being. His stomach felt no less tight, but a bit less sick. Blindly, he grabbed around for the paper towel dispenser on the wall opposite of him and dried his face off.  
Nobody was left on the floor when he returned, and all sound seemed drowned out to Cloud’s ears. Finally, he seemed to have time to process just how tired he was. His shoulders and head ached from the tension and being angry at an unknown suspect for a majority of the day was surprisingly physically tolling. Walking back to his bed now seemed like an agonizing task. He only hoped sleep would find him once he got there. 

The following morning was somehow even worse than the day before. Cloud certainly felt his age; all he wanted was to stay in bed, squirreled away under a mound of blankets where he would be out of sight and out of mind. He reminded himself of the marks he would get if he skipped his drills today, however, and slowly sat up. He groaned.  
Getting dressed was painstaking. Cloud’s head felt foggy and the dull ache in his temples was worse than it was when he got sick. Thinking of all the performative pity he would possibly get from others today didn’t do anything to help it. He took his usual dose of pain killers, took one last glance in the mirror, and off he marched to face the day.

He was deserving of some kind of award, he thought, because as he figured, people were taking pity on him in small gestures when they saw him. 

Some would nod at him as they passed, with tight lips and downward gazes. It was no real secret to anyone how close he had been to Zack. Other employees would watch the two of them converse, rushed but charged with something that was exclusive to and for each other. They always managed to make time for each other that didn’t exist on the company’s clocks. There must have been an understanding going around that nobody would ever see that again. 

Lunch offered less of a relief for him than his restroom visit had. A couple of Cloud’s squad mates seated themselves cautiously across from him at his usual table. He saw how they rubbed at their knuckles, clearly having something to say but not knowing entirely how to say it. Eventually, the older of the two took the leap and spoke up.

“Hey, kid, We’re really sorry about Officer Fair. We, uh… we know that you two were tight… Hope you’re okay?” the man offered.

Cloud did not look up from his virtually untouched tray.

“I’ll be fine,” he mumbled as he poked at a few of his peas with his fork. “This is what happens, right? I don’t think I can get all that upset about it.” 

The adjacent employee cleared his throat and nodded. It was quiet after that. When the silence became awkward enough, the two men got up and started to leave him to it before Cloud waved the two of them back and promptly thanked them. 

“I appreciate it, guys. Really.” He made no eye contact.

A heavy hand met his shoulder, followed by another one of those looks that he’d been getting from others for a good part of the day, and at that, Cloud was left alone, again, in the world.

Having time to think more about it all was both a blessing and a curse. He thought back to when Zack excitedly told Cloud where he and the great General Sephiroth were being sent to for a small investigation job. The 1st mentioned how he was really interested in seeing Cloud’s hometown and how he was, however, less interested in the colder climate there. Cloud had giggled then. He was told that the assignment would be a cinch and that Zack would be back in a few days. Cloud remembered that he found himself not caring so much about Sephiroth. The legendary General was the reason he had joined Shin-Ra’s ranks at all; he sought to become the hero that so many revered Sephiroth as. 

Up until he met Zack. Zack turned out to be so much more important to Cloud than the General ever was. So much so that Cloud no longer wished for that amount of fame or glory. Cloud remembered grinning to himself over the fact that his friend had humbled him so much. 

This had been 4 days ago. Now, Zack was dead and gone and Cloud couldn’t stop thinking about all the things the two of them were supposed to do together. Things that he may have wanted to say, and now never would. It made Cloud’s heartbeat echo off the walls of his chest. The young man had never felt this harsh of an emptiness before today. He watched Zack as he left, not knowing it would be the last he saw of him, ever, and this made Cloud nearly hurl all over again.

Even with his officer being uncharacteristically lenient on him, afternoon drills were still a nightmare. There was no ounce of energy left in Cloud’s exhausted body. Having to drag himself through the exercises all the while trying to keep everything together within himself was proving to be incredibly difficult for him. He would survive it, but just by the skin of his teeth it felt like. Cloud wondered in the middle of some particularly sluggish push ups just how long he was going to feel like this. He feared it would linger for the rest of his life and he had no one to tell him that it wouldn’t.

But he did know of someone who could try. 

It thrilled him to know that he would get to talk to someone about this all, but he also secretly hoped they would be willing to speak with him on such a complex thing that not everybody can relate to. It was all he had. After he got through these evening drills, he would launch his master plan and head to town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SORRY that i have rewritten this THREE TIMES NOW omfg.... i will make this fic decent or i will die trying to make it decent


	2. II.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he was going to miss him forever.

Free time proved to be in short supply for Shin-Ra’s employees. Cloud had first planned to do this a little over three full weeks ago, but only now could he manage to get away. He was anxious, aware that he technically was not supposed to be out here making private phone calls. He was still on company time. As soon as his patrolling shift ended, he trekked the couple of blocks to the closest payphone he knew of, occasionally glancing around to make sure that nobody from work was around to notice him.   
Over the weeks since everyone had gotten the word of Zack’s passing, while Cloud would never, couldn’t ever admit it to anyone, he wasn’t doing any better now than he had been. Sleep was profoundly harder to hold on to and blowing off lunch breaks for quick naps to make up for those sleepless nights left Cloud feeling like he had weights strapped to his ankles. 

Managing his emotions and responsibilities all by himself made it feel as though the kid hadn’t slept since his age was in the single digits. How he was able to keep waking up every day and keep doing physically demanding work regardless of his aches was beyond him. He had plenty of time to ponder the workings of his body and mind later; right now, he needed to walk faster. The telephone booth was in sight. 

Cloud would have been relieved to reach it, if he wasn’t in such a rush. Classic mechanical sounds echoed around Cloud with each numerical input he made. He took a breath before he shakily brought the phone up to his ear. After a couple of rings, he heard his mother’s familiar “Hello?” greet him from the other end. 

“Hi, mom,” he replied quietly. 

“Cloud!” she exclaimed. 

“How are you doing, sweetheart? You’re calling so late… That isn’t like you.”

He sighed.

“I’m not great.” An inhale.

“…and I think I need some advice on dealing with… recent happenings.”

“Tell me what’s going on.” 

Figuring that he would be here for a while, Cloud pressed his back against the cold and dampened brick wall in front of him. Talking about how to handle the death of someone close to you might prove to be hard for either of them. He decided that he would worry about the consequences of sneaking out when they were happening.   
When Cloud’s father died, his mother was devastated. He thought back to how some nights she would cry to herself while she sat on the edge of her bed at incredibly late hours. It took a long time, but she had gotten through the heartbreak one way or another, and now it was time for Cloud himself to figure out how she did it. He needed it. 

“Well,” he started. 

“My best friend was recently pronounced dead. I’ve hardly gotten a wink of sleep since then; I rarely feel hungry enough to visit the cafeteria… It’s not getting better for me, and I’m afraid that it won’t. I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to do here.”

How his voice crumbled near the end of his sentence could have been embarrassing, and Cloud felt glad he decided to find a payphone instead of using the phones at the disposal of the employees back at HQ or his personal cell. No one could see him like this.

It was silent for a few seconds before his mother spoke again, save for the soft pattering of the light rain.

“I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I am so sorry that you are hurting like this.”

“I need to know how you did it. How did you deal with dad’s passing? Please, tell me.”

Cloud winced when the phone cord he had subconsciously wrapped around his finger bound too tightly.  
When his mother didn’t reply right away, his heart paced faster. Maybe she was reluctant to tell him that he would have to figure this out on his own, or that the situation was not entirely the same as when his father died, or even a simple “I don’t know.”

Instead, it was a crystal clear “You will survive this.” 

“It’s going to be hard, but every day, it will get a little easier. You don’t know it now, but things will fall into place as they should. Just try to keep that in mind, all the time, and you will overcome it. I promise you.” 

A tear peeked out from the corner of his eye, which he quickly flicked away. ‘Yes,’ he thought, ‘the payphone was definitely good thinking.’

“All right… I will try. Thank you.” 

“…Is that all?”

Cloud blinked.

“Huh?”

He heard his mother click her tongue on the other end before she spoke again.

“Do you have anyone over there to talk about this with? It helps a lot. It would do you good.”

No reply. Shin-Ra wasn’t at all big on the mental well-being of its workers. It was probably why everyone there was so lively and colorful.

She knew her son well enough to know that silence from Cloud was equivalent to a “no.” He heard her sigh but didn’t pry into it any deeper.

She found a way to talk about other things after that, and Cloud grinned to himself when he felt the comfort her voice provided him with take hold of him for the first time in what felt like decades. Something inside of him urged him to check the time on his own phone after a while, and he gasped when he noticed the hour.   
A few more “okay”s followed by “I will”s and one last “thank you” was the cue for Cloud to put the phone back into its station, hesitantly. It was going to be hard for him to leave the phone booth and return to the somber life he led at Shin-Ra, but the boy found a new determination inside of himself and for the first time, he thought he could perhaps figure out how to be okay. 

He decided he wouldn’t rush back to HQ. Instead, he was going to try to walk off all his current woes and steel himself for whatever lie ahead. It was particularly cold tonight, and Cloud marveled at how he could ever so slightly see his breath with each exhale. Winter was still a couple months off, but nights in Midgar had the ability to be bitterly cold. Maybe it was nature’s way of reminding the polluted city that she was still out there. 

Cloud let himself be reminded of the colder weather of his hometown. He let himself take in the ambient sounds of the rain hitting the roofs of buildings and his boots splashing in the puddles he walked through. Flashy neon signs advertising surrounding establishments seemed brighter than usual, but not in a way that was overwhelming. He missed being able to look up at night and see stars.

After he showed the front desk his ID, he headed for the elevators that would drop him off on the floor where the barracks were. When he went to punch in the floor number, however, he paused and thought about punching in some other number. He shook the thought when he remembered the time. The cafeteria is closed by now. He thought that having something to eat before he hit the hay would be a good first step, regardless of not feeling all that hungry, but it seemed that would have to wait until tomorrow night.

Falling asleep remained to be a persistent issue. While his eyes felt heavy, the same nightly scenario he’d become accustomed to was playing out again and he’d given up on fighting against it. With his forearm tucked behind his head, he hoped that eventually he would get bored of staring up at the slightly bulging mattress bottom above him enough that his eyes would finally close. He wishes there were more windows than just the one at the other end of the room.  
Cloud thought about what his mother had said, but something else was on his mind still; something he didn’t like to think about but couldn’t seem to get away from. 

Zack.

Zack never left his thoughts, and it left Cloud feeling sheepish. Such a thing would get him teased and picked on for sure, and he knew this, he knew why he could never sleep these days. At first, he figured if he ignored it, that eventually the thoughts would leave him, but this theory had been wrong, of course. He was going to miss Zack forever.   
But he promised his mother earlier that he would try. So, he tried one more time. With a huff, he rolled over on his side so that he was facing the plain wall that was decades older than he was, and he forced his eyes shut. He thought about Zack and their friendship and he didn’t try to bury his feelings when he did so. For the first time, he let something just happen and didn’t struggle against it. 

It pained him to remember that genuinely kind soul that meant no one any kind of harm was gone. Cloud recalled the time they’d first met and how they had both survived the helicopter crash, how they connected almost instantly, and Zack had proclaimed them both “backwater experts.” He thought about how from the start, Zack had treated Cloud as if he’d known him forever and was always cheering him on. That was something that would be hard for anyone to lose, Cloud imagined, but it was such a particular thing, their friendship. Connecting with other people was maybe Cloud’s weakest trait. He didn’t know what it was, but he has always seemed to repel other people without even meaning to. It was small talk that he expected from Zack, not the first true friendship of his life. He didn’t even get to thank him for that. 

It was all agonizing to think about, but Cloud didn’t have a clue to what to do instead. Maybe someday he should try to convince Shin-Ra to invest in a psychiatric department.

When his eyes next opened, it was pitch black. It always was. Cloud wagered he’d only slept a couple of hours. His head felt fuzzy, but once it cleared a little, he came to the realization that he slept that night, however short it was. He had kept his promise to his mother. Still tired as all get out, but he tried, and it was enough.

He lay there until reveille sounded. When others were up and moving, Cloud joined the other grunts in getting ready for the day. He decided he would hit the showers this morning to wake him up a little more. The hallways of the building were as dull as they always were. 

Others nodded in his direction as they passed, and shyly, he nodded back at them. When he got to moving around, he noticed that he still felt an ingrained tiredness, but it was more tolerable today. 

His shower was quick, but Cloud made an effort to let the cascade of hot water relax him a little. Nothing could shake the anxiousness he felt every morning, but this time there was a hint of giddy excitement as well. He wasn’t sure where it had some from, but Cloud hadn’t felt this way in a long time, and he was going to keep doing everything he could to keep the feeling around. After a hasty dry of himself, he started to work on dressing in his usual attire, expertly strapping his suspenders and shoulder pauldrons into place. 

One last pat down to make sure he didn't forget anything and then he was heading for the elevators.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeehaw 2 chapters babyyyyyy  
i'm so sorry that these aren't longer, omg... being my first fic though, i thought i'd just keep things short and sweet!   
mmmm dialogue. i wish claudia was my mom.


	3. III.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone’s shoved a rock down his windpipe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH... my GOD..... i am sooo sorry that i took 40 years to upload this chapter!! but i'm glad to finally have it done and posted! this one's a little bit of a doozy if i do say so myself! :]

Red dust ghosted over dry wasteland as far as the eye could see. If Zack didn’t know any better, he’d be fully convinced that he hadn’t moved an inch within the six days he’d been in the Midgar Area. His legs ached; a desperate cry for rest that Zack ignored more often than not in the time he’d been shambling on. This was the final stretch before he would be back in the Slums. He hoped so, anyways. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he missed the city. Rather, he missed some specific things within the city. He missed the Goblin’s Bar at 1 in the morning. Sleeping on a mattress. Showers. He missed the sound of hushed conversation in a break room. He missed Aerith, and he missed Cloud.

After readjusting the greatsword slung across his back to a more comfortable position, Zack continued onwards towards Midgar. In hindsight, he guessed that maybe the idea was idiotic, what with the entire Shin-Ra army tracking him, but perhaps they wouldn’t expect him to hole up in the city where HQ is stationed. So far, he’s been able to stay out of trouble. The infantry can be competent, but Zack had had a different line of training and has been able to stay one step ahead of them. 

A few hours, and the silver sky overhead had faded to black. Zack took that as finally being time to find a spot to camp out at for the night. His tired eyes scanned his surroundings for a safe place to lie low. The many rock formations around were certainly a sight for sore eyes. They would work to shield him from any sudden sandstorms and the worst of the September night breezes. Waltzing over to a formidably sized cluster of boulders, he sat down next to his weapon after setting it on the ground before sighing. Eight months of this. 

Eight months of running. Eight months of surviving. Civilization had never sounded more attractive. Socialite that he considered himself to be, there was only so much shoving and crude, drunken speech a person could take. What he would give for even just some canned field rations. Plain venison with the occasional wild plant life got old ages ago. (Zack doesn’t even _like_ mushrooms very much.) He looked down at his uniform, more of a rusty orange color than black lately. Threads from his top had started to fray in some seams. He didn’t bother to try wiping off the sediment anymore.

One thing about it, nightly stargazing was going to be hard to give up. Even above the Plate, even at the very top of the Shin-Ra HQ building, the smog blocked any real view of the sky. It was a wonder how anyone in Midgar knew stars existed at all. It was shameful, the lack of people who understood just how freeing it was to look up into the night and feel so pitifully small. 

Losing his worn leather suspender straps and shoulder pauldrons, Zack laid his back on the steadily cooling solid ground. He was going to have to keep his Firaga materia close again tonight. The small rocks that dug into his skin made it hard for him to stay still for long, but eventually Zack was able to lie out and gaze upwards without too much frustration. A muted red glow cast onto his right side and the large rocks that hid him. The silence was deafening, as always. It was just him and his thoughts and he hated it. He would like to think about something other than being hunted for the last eight months or being held captive. It bummed him out. He and Sephiroth were carrying on with their assignment of investigating the local Mako reactor. They were making good time when the General had identified a broken valve on one of the Mako filled pods within. That was until Sephiroth made the connection that he was no average being. He shared something with the lifeless creatures inside of the pods. Zack remembered how it felt to be aggressively shoved aside when he offered his help.

He remembered not paying attention and being struck by one of Genesis’ fire spells. Sephiroth was, of course, unaffected. Genesis always pissed Zack off. Manipulation and coyness oozed from his tone whenever he spoke. This time, the degrading First would go on to taunt his former comrade and confirm Sephiroth’s lifelong suspicions; his mother was the great calamity, Jenova. He is a monster. When he glanced back at the writing above a partially rusted door, his eyes went wide. The nail in the coffin. It was then, that it all became too much for the famed General to handle. Zack was sure he was no longer listening to Genesis’ demands of helping restore his body and instead shifted his focus into offing the opposing SOLDIER where he sat. One last battle between the two of them to settle the dust they had been kicking up in their wakes since maybe well before Zack’s time. Metal ground against metal as they struck at one another. Something inside of Zack broke then as he watched them lunge at each other, Sephiroth not withholding the intent to kill. 

“Don’t… don’t do this,” he pleaded. “You’re not monsters, you’re-”

His words acted as background noise. There was a new heartlessness in Sephiroth’s eyes. Even Genesis seemed startled by it. Slash after slash, the Silver General made it his mission to force his rival off balance. It was a hopeless fight from the beginning in his state, but Genesis made extra effort to keep up with Sephiroth’s movements. This had suddenly become a fight for his life. Even within the cramped space of the reactor, Sephiroth seemed weightless in his movements. It was only a matter of time until he would overpower Genesis. Zack found himself not wanting to watch him die today. Something he inherited from his late mentor, he guessed. 

_No one needs to die this time._

A third sword was suddenly a part of the fray. It caught the fighters off guard, at the very least. For a moment, it all had stopped. Using his body as a blockade, Zack stood in the middle of the once-friends. He had no intent to fight them; only to stop them. In the corner of his eye, Zack noticed the familiar red light of Genesis’ fire spell barreling towards him again. He wouldn’t be caught off guard again. Shielding himself with the wide blade of the Buster Sword, the fire extinguished upon contact. Genesis glared at him.

“Get out of my way! This doesn’t concern you,” he cried. 

Sephiroth took the opportunity that he was presented with. Genesis being focused on Zack was just the kind of opening he had been waiting for. In the blink of an eye, Sephiroth was beside them both and driving his katana towards Genesis. Zack began to step in front of the weakened SOLDIER before he could think twice about it. He keened when cold steel pierced his left side, instinctively grabbing the blade with his hands. Both of his former co-workers seemed shocked. They froze, their eyes fixated on him. Perhaps Angeal really was living on within Zack; the actions of the younger 1st mirrored those of their late friend. Sephiroth withdrew his blade. His and Genesis’ eyes stayed on Zack as he fell to his knees and clutched at the wound in his side. A bitter quiet filled the reactor, save for the strangled gasps for air Zack was taking. 

“You just had to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, didn’t you?”

His side ached. He looked up at the general and narrowed his gaze when their eyes met.  
“’Doesn’t belong’? Don’t be funny- you three have always been pushing everything on me. And you all know it.” 

“Just stay out of it.”

Zack swallowed. Some switch within Sephiroth had been flipped. Truth be told, he was terrified. He stood no true chance against him, even without a fresh gash above his hip, and he knew it. He attempted to stop the two of them, and he failed. There wasn’t a damn thing he could do. All he could do would be to sit there and revile in the feeling of failure, his glove stained dark red from his own blood. Zack listened to the repeat of metallic striking that had started back up and he cursed to himself. He cursed Shin-Ra and it didn’t startle him. 

They had done this. This was not the work of fate or some sacred retelling of a history that will bear repeating until the end of humanity. This was the result of a power-hungry, all-governing power company that preyed on young boys with promises of fame and glory with a little hard work. Zack had fallen for it those few years ago but realized it all too late. Shin-Ra made monsters from the hopeful children that they’d swindled. It made him sick. He felt sicker still when he decided that he could do no more. His eyes clenched shut and the sound of the conflict grew distant. 

***  
“You call yourself SOLDIER?”

_I don’t._

“You tarnish the SOLDIER name.”

_I’m glad._  
***  
There were gaps in Zack’s memory. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he is supposed to know what happened to Sephiroth and to Genesis and himself. He remembered that he woke up on a cold, metal table, overseen by harsh pale lights. He remembered white coats and hellish croaks that served as laughter. 

It was the important shit that he _couldn’t_ remember. Shit he deemed important, anyways. He could not remember how he got into the mansion’s basement, who put him there. Could not remember why he let the experiments happen. Could not remember fighting back. These feelings were new to the man, and he downright hated them. Feelings of anger and guilt, of sadness and hatred; but now he was thinking too much. Now he was being negative at a time where these emotions would get him next to nowhere fast. 

Zack fumbled with his gloves for a second, pulling them off by the fingertips before lying them over his eyes. Adjusting himself one more time with a grunt, his bicep acting as a pillow as well as it could behind his head, he waited for sleep to find him. 

To just wake up isn’t something many people think about, but since the escape, Zack thought about it. What it meant to open his eyes back up every day had a lot of significance to him. It meant he got some sleep the previous night, and it meant there was more running to be done. It meant that he would be tired again later and that this would repeat until it didn’t. Yesterday’s weather had long since passed, and today was a blanket of blue that Zack still enjoyed seeing despite everything. 

It sucked that the only kind of admiration Zack could partake in was simply seeing the color above, that there’s no storms on the way, and going about his business. He wondered if Aerith had found a way to really allow herself to look up yet as he pulled his suspender straps into their usual place. 

A dark object on the ground caught Zack’s eye as he reached for the Buster sword. His phone must have fallen out of his pocket in the middle of the night. He bent down for it, not intending to leave any traces of his whereabouts, and marveled that it wasn’t crushed. It was torture knowing that it still worked, and he couldn’t use it. He thought back to how heartbroken he was when he first realized it was still with him upon his breakout. 

He’d opened his phone back then to a K.I.A notification for himself and for Sephiroth. There were messages from Kunsel, from his little friend group of 3rds, all of them asking the same thing. Zack had never dared to reply. Sometimes he would read older messages he has saved to the device and all it would do is make him upset. He often fell back to Cloud’s messages, as they were probably the most endearing and non-chaotic.

Zack grinned. How is Cloud doing, he wondered. He wondered so much, that he opened his contact list without thinking anymore about it. He selected Cloud’s name and his thumb hovered above the middle button on the keypad.  
***  
Sleeping in a weird position is the worst, as Cloud is being made aware. He knows he probably looks like a doofus trying to stretch his back in a subtle way while sitting at his normal place in the cafeteria. He made a point of returning small waves from platoonmates whenever they were given to him. The food on his tray looked as appetizing as it always did; not so much. There were days when Cloud’s appetite evaded him still, but he’d learned to always eat anyways, even if it was just a little bit. Drills were a little later in the morning today, which the young private was grateful for. His back was not in the mood as it were currently. 

A shower was probably in the near future, as well as a locker check. After that, it was back to the old grind. Since Zack was pronounced dead, Cloud’s mother made it an obligation to have her son call her every week. Every week eventually turned into every other week, which in turn became every month. She’s probably waiting to hear from him. Cloud made a mental note to do that today as well. Checklists made days go by much more smoothly. 

Shifting in the steel chair, Cloud began to poke at his breakfast. It was pretty quiet as it normally was, save for the occasional sound of someone getting up from a table and trays being placed in their return stations. Boring, in simpler terms. 

“Hey, Cloud!” 

He looked up to see a cadet he doesn’t know greeting him from across the room. Probably a fellow that had asked Cloud for a smoke in the recent past. He nodded the man’s way, and both went back about their business.  
Careful to not make that god-awful scraping sound with his chair, Cloud stood up from his seat and walked over to the trash cans to toss out the scraps he didn’t particularly feel like eating. He placed his tray in its station and took out his phone to check the time. Around quarter after 9; plenty of time for a hot shower. Maybe his back won’t be so sore when he gets out. 

There’s a buzz from his pocket as he grabs some toiletries from his locker. He figures it’s his CO changing something on his schedule. Until it buzzes again. And it keeps buzzing. Nobody should be calling him; his mother doesn’t have this number, and he’s never given it to anyone else besides Tifa when he learned she was in the city. Anxiety rises in his chest as he grabs it from the bench where he laid it. His breath catches when he sees the name he thinks he sees on the screen. He wants to set it back down and let it ring. Maybe he needs a new phone. 

He shakes the feeling and though his fingers are trembling, he answers.

“…H-Hello?”

“Cloud… Cloud!” 

His own name rings in his ears. It dances around in his head and makes him feel dizzy. He tells himself he’s gone crazy without even knowing. His mouth feels dry while he clenches his jaw to the point of pain. Someone’s shoved a rock down his windpipe. Falling back towards the lockers behind him, he’s brought back to the moment when he hears the clatter around his head.

“…Who is this,” Cloud asks.

He knows who it is. Who it shouldn’t be.

“Still cracking those kinds of jokes, huh? It’s Zack, of course.”

“Zack.” 

It’s rolling thunder on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank u for reading!! i rlly appreciate the amount of attention this lil fic has gotten! ;w; i hope you enjoyed the little bit of drama! heh

**Author's Note:**

> wahoooo, thanks for reading! and special thanks if you're reading again ! i appreciate every single one of you ;; (also hi. if you know how to indent paragraphs on this damn azz site lmk because It Is K*lling Me.)


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